I was watching the new Bond movie, and early in the film, Ralph Fiennes, Ben Wishaw, and Rory Kinnear were all on screen together. Instinctually, I found myself thinking “Oh, too bad they’re not doing Shakespeare right now.” And then I thought, “Okay, if I had this cast at my disposal, what would I do? How would I cast it?” And, thus, the Film/Shake Challenge was born.

So, here’s my first attempt, casting Cymbeline using the cast of No Time to Die:

CYMBELINE, King of Britain: Ralph Fiennes
Cymbeline’s QUEEN: Lashana Lynch
IMOGEN, daughter to Cymbeline by his former queen: Léa Seydoux
POSTHUMUS LEONATUS, husband to Imogen: Billy Magnussen
CLOTEN, son to the present queen by a former husband: Ben Whishaw
PISANIO, Posthumus’s servant: Daniel Craig
CORNELIUS, a physician in Cymbeline’s court: Jeffrey Wright
PHILARIO, Posthumus’s host in Rome: Christof Waltz
IACHIMO, friend to Philario: Rami Malek
CAIUS LUCIUS, a Roman general: Hugh Dennis
BELARIUS, an exiled nobleman: Rory Kinnear

There’s a lot you could do with that cast, but instead, let me cast King John with the actors from Dune:

JOHN, King of England: Stellan Skarsgård
QUEEN ELEANOR, King John’s mother: Charlotte Rampling
BLANCHE of Spain, niece to King John: Zendaya
CONSTANCE, widow of Geoffrey, King John’s elder brother: Rebecca Ferguson
ARTHUR, Duke of Brittany, her son: Timothée Chalamet
KING PHILIP II of France: Javier Bardem
LOUIS THE DAUPHIN, his son: Oscar Isaac
DUKE OF AUSTRIA (also called LIMOGES): Jason Momoa
The BASTARD, PHILIP FAULCONBRIDGE, illegitimate son of King Richard I: Dave Bautista
HUBERT, supporter of King John: Stephen McKinley Henderson

Get the idea? Feel free to post your own Film/Shake combo in the comments below!

What if the events of Macbeth had taken place in 2020, and the witches were forced to hold their fateful meeting online? It just might look a little something like this:

From Hamlet:

There, my blessing with thee.
And these few precepts in thy memory
Look thou character.

Shift around the letters, and it becomes:

When his father lectures hence, my Laertes-type might respond with a tetchy “OK, Boomer.”

It’s hard to meet people these days. You may have even seen some online lists of pick-up lines, quick conversation starters for approaching women in bars.

But what if the object of your affection is a Shakespeare fan? Below you will find a list of sure-fire Shakespeare-themed pick-up lines that are guaranteed to breed love’s settled passions in her heart.

Note: This is a parody. Always treat others with respect, and never actually use any of these rude pick-up lines on a real woman in a bar*.

• Excuse me, but are you Joan of Arc? Because you are smoking hot.
• Hi, you can call me King Lear. Because I’m mad about you.
• Do I remind you of Richard III? Because I have a good hunch about us.
• Are you the Dauphin? Because thou hast turned my balls to gunstones.
• Are you Nick Bottom? Because you are the finest piece of ass I’ve ever seen.
• Right now, I feel like young Arthur from King John. Because I just fell for you.
• If I told you I was Hamlet, would you let me Ophelia?
• Are you Shylock? Because I want to give you a pound of flesh.
• You and I are like Kate and Petruchio in The Taming of the Shrew. Because at the end, I bet I can get you to come.

Good luck, and have fun!

—

*I have actually used all of these lines on a real woman in a bar.

Happy 455th Birthday to Shakespeare!

In honor of the occasion, I present… Shakespeare Memes!

Because Twitter didn’t become well-known until its overhaul in 2006, many people don’t realize that the popular social media platform is actually over a thousand years old.

I was combing through the archives the other day when I found the old Twitter feed of the historical Macbeth. A fascinating primary source document, the daily musings of the king paint a picture of a one-of-a-kind leader, the likes of which we may never see again.

In honor of Shakespeare’s birthday, I am pleased to present a selection of these tweets that may be of interest to fans of the play.

Enjoy!

The feed breaks off there. We can only assume that Macbeth chose that moment to step away from social media and instead turn his attention to the serious business of running Scotland.

But this collection of tweets remains a digital monument to a leader who was clearly way ahead of his time!

From The Two Gentlemen of Verona:

This weak impress of love is as a figure
Trenched in ice, which with an hour’s heat
Dissolves to water and doth lose his form.

Shift around the letters, and it becomes:

If she is listed, his challenge is she must pour ice water over her head or vow to donate cash.

Oh man, if this fad works, it wins.

For more information, visit the ALS Association website.