This is a bit of a departure from the series format, but I hope you’ll enjoy it.

I’m Henry VIII, I Am
sung to the tune of “I’m Henry the Eighth, I Am”

(With apologies to Herman’s Hermits and anyone who gets this stuck in their heads all day…)

I’m Henry VIII, I am.
Henry VIII I am, I am.
I got married to a princess from Spain,
To give me an heir to extend my reign.
But she couldn’t give a son to Henry (Henry!).
She only put a daughter in the pram (The Pram!).
Not good enough for Henry…
Henry VIII I am!

Second verse, same as the first!

I’m Henry VIII, I am.
Henry VIII I am, I am.
I got married to my first wife’s maid;
We fell in love at the masquerade.
But when she gave a daughter to Henry (Henry!),
I realized that our marriage was a sham (A Sham!).
It’s unwise to disappoint Henry…
Henry VIII I am!

Third verse, same as the first!

I’m Henry VIII, I am.
Henry VIII I am, I am.
I got married to a woman named Jane;
I’d gotten quite used to the ball and chain.
But she didn’t stay long for Henry (Henry!).
Childbirth had left her in a jam (A Jam!).
At least she left a son for Henry…
Henry VIII I am!

Fourth verse, same as the first!

I’m Henry VIII, I am.
Henry VIII I am, I am.
I got married to a Duchess named Anne;
A treaty with our marriage was the master plan.
But she was a shock to Henry (Henry!).
That portrait done by Holbein was a scam (A Scam!).
This is no wife for Henry…
Henry VIII I am!

Fifth verse, same as the first!

I’m Henry VIII, I am.
Henry VIII I am, I am.
I took a blooming rose to be my bride,
She was a bit on the younger side.
But she went back to her boyfriend before Henry (Henry!),
And neither of their lives were worth a damn (A Damn!).
You don’t run around on Henry…
Henry VIII I am!

Sixth verse, same as the first!

I’m Henry VIII, I am.
Henry VIII I am, I am.
I got married to the widow next door;
Together we’d been married seven times before.
But she was a good wife to Henry (Henry!),
Doing all the things a good wife does (Wife Does!).
She even outlived Henry…
Henry VIII I was!

Henry VIII I was, I was;
Henry VIII I was!

This is the 19th in a series of pop-music parodies for Shakespeare fans.

Enjoy!

I Schemed a Scheme
sung to the tune of “I Dreamed a Dream” from Les Misérables

(With congratulations to Best Supporting Actress nominee Anne Hathaway…)

There was a crime here in my mind,
When I’d find these wives,
And I’d come a-wooing.
There was a crime to rob them blind,
And I would earn their trust,
And I’d be their undoing.
There was a crime,
Then it all went wrong.

I schemed a scheme so long ago,
When a desperate man could earn a shilling.
I schemed the husbands would not know;
I schemed the wives would be more willing.
I never gave a second thought,
For schemes were gold, success expected.
There was no fear of getting caught,
No trap unsprung, no purse neglected.

But they put me in a basket,
And they threw me in the river.
Well, it might have been my casket,
And it turned my scheme to rage.
They would not let me in their lives;
They left me soaking in a shiver.
And I must blame the merry wives
Of Master Ford and Master Page.
And still I scheme they’ll come to me,
And they will open up their purses.
But there are schemes that cannot be,
And there are blessings turned to curses.

I had a scheme these wives would be
So different from the way I found them;
So different now from how I schemed.
These wives have killed
The scheme I schemed.

This is the 18th in a series of pop-music parodies for Shakespeare fans.

Enjoy!

Titania
sung to the tune of “Titanium”

(With apologies to David Guetta, Sia, and the fairy Queen…)

You make demands,
But you have here disturbed our sport.
You’re simply requesting too much.
Our argument has caused the seasons to alter.
You want the boy, but I say no.

I’m powerful, nothing to prove,
Trip away, trip away.
The fairy Queen, of legend’s fame,
Trip away, trip away.
The enchanted wood is where I rule,
I am Titania!
The enchanted wood is where I rule,
I am Titania!

Threaten me,
But it’s you who’ll have to suffer all.
I’ve found a new love.
Voice of gold, mind of steel and head of beast,
He’s braying loud, not saying much.

I’m powerful, nothing to prove,
Trip away, trip away.
The fairy Queen, of legend’s fame,
Trip away, trip away.
The enchanted wood is where I rule,
I am Titania!
The enchanted wood is where I rule,
I am Titania!
I am Titania!

I am Titania!

My love, is this right?
My eyes now loathe his sight.
Oberon, what have you done?

The enchanted wood is where I rule,
I am Titania!
The enchanted wood is where I rule,
I am Titania!
The enchanted wood is where I rule,
I am Titania!

I am Titania!

This is the 17th in a series of pop-music parodies for Shakespeare fans.

Enjoy!

Lady, It’s Warm Outside
sung to the tune of “Baby, It’s Cold Outside”

(With apologies to Cee-Lo Green, Christina Aguilera, and the many artists who have performed this seasonal classic duet…)

You venomous toad

Lady, it’s warm outside

Hey, just hit the road

Metaphorically warm outside

I’ve been left to lament

The winter of discontent

And I’m concerned

To glorious summer has turned

You’re a pitiless beast

Beautiful, that’s something at least

Give me leave to curse thyself

I feel even worse myself

And now I accuse thyself

Beautiful, I can’t excuse myself

May lightning strike you dead

These compliments will go to my head

My husband has died

Lady, not by my hand

But your regicide

That was not what I planned

You should be locked in a fetter

I know one place better

As I have said

It is beside you in your bed

I ought to say no, no, no, sir

Mind if I move in closer

Cursed be your future wife

Lady, I want it to be you in my life

I really can’t stay

Now, Lady, don’t storm out

‘Cause it’s warm outside

Now this king is dead

Your beauty gave me pause

And you killed my Ed

Your beauty was the cause

If I thought that

It really knocks me flat

My nails would rend

Don’t even start to pretend

My sister will disown me

Lady, have you ever really known me

My father will spin in his grave

In life, he was far more brave

It will dishonor my husband’s life

A better husband for his wife

I really don’t know what to say

You’ve nowhere else to go anyway

You deserve your reward

Lady, if you think it best

Say, lend me your sword

Drive it right through my chest

It’s not in me to kill

Say the word and I will

I have already said

In your rage, but now you have a clearer head

I wish I knew your heart

I will inter this king

You lied to me right from the start

Vouchsafe to wear this ring

I’m glad you have repented

I’m glad you have relented

‘Cause it’s warm outside

This is the 16th in a series of pop-music parodies for Shakespeare fans.

Enjoy!

Fat Jack
sung to the tune of “Tik Tok”

(With apologies to Ke$ha, and all the party people…)

Wake up in the morning feeling like H. Percy (Hey, what up, Hal),
Pounding in my head is gonna show no mercy (Let’s go).
Before I leave, brush my teeth with a bottle of sack,
‘Cause once I start to drink I have to keep up with Jack.

I’m talkin’…

Hanging out with the boys (boys),
At the inn the gang enjoys (joys),
Scheming out all our ploys (ploys).

Can’t stop ‘cause
Gadshill’s acting prickly,
And Bardolph’s looking sickly,
Tryna get to Mistress Quick-ly…

Sweet Ned, gone to bed,
On the floor of the Boar’s Head.
Poor Nym, look at him,
He is filled up past the brim.
Fat Jack, on his back,
After drinking too much sack.

Oh-oh-whoa-oh
Oh-oh-whoa-oh

Sweet Ned, gone to bed
On the floor of the Boar’s Head
Poor Nym, look at him,
He is filled up past the brim.
Fat Jack, on his back
After drinking too much sack

Oh-oh-whoa-oh
Oh-oh-whoa-oh

Ain’t got a care in the world,
But got plenty of tales.
Ain’t got no money in my pocket,
But I am Prince of Wales.

And all the soldiers lining up,
‘Cause they know I have power,
But we kick them to the curb,
Unless they fight like Glendower.

I’m talkin’ ‘bout – Falstaff playing my Dad (Dad),
The best role he’s ever had (had),
But the ending is much too sad (sad).

He said not to banish him ill (ill)
But I said “I do, I will.” (will)
I said “I do, I will.” (will)
And he knows I will.

Sweet Ned, gone to bed,
On the floor of the Boar’s Head.
Poor Nym, look at him,
He is filled up past the brim.
Fat Jack, on his back,
After drinking too much sack.

Oh-oh-whoa-oh
Oh-oh-whoa-oh

Sweet Ned, gone to bed,
On the floor of the Boar’s Head.
Poor Nym, look at him,
He is filled up past the brim.
Fat Jack, on his back,
After drinking too much sack.

Oh-oh-whoa-oh
Oh-oh-whoa-oh

I know you all,
And will uphold
Your idleness,
‘Till I am king.
With my head up
I’ll banish Jack,
And won’t look back
When I am king.

I know you all,
And will uphold
Your idleness,
‘Till I am king.
With my head up.
With my head up.
With my head up.

But the party will stop when I am king…

Sweet Ned, gone to bed,
On the floor of the Boar’s Head.
Poor Nym, look at him,
He is filled up past the brim.
Fat Jack, on his back,
After drinking too much sack.

Oh-oh-whoa-oh
Oh-oh-whoa-oh

Sweet Ned, gone to bed,
On the floor of the Boar’s Head.
Poor Nym, look at him,
He is filled up past the brim.
Fat Jack, on his back,
After drinking too much sack.

Oh-oh-whoa-oh
Oh-oh-whoa-oh

This is the 15th in a series of pop-music parodies for Shakespeare fans.

Enjoy!

Where We Belong
sung to the tune of “All Summer Long”

(With apologies to Kid Rock, and whoever that is singing the version I downloaded from iTunes…)

It was 31 BC; I was a Roman far from home,
Leading troops of soldiers rank and file.
She was Egypt’s queen; she was a sight had to be seen,
As she rode her barge along the River Nile.

When messengers from Rome
Brought letters saying to come home,
Another man might yield to Caesar’s call.
But feeling what I felt,
I said “Let Rome in Tiber melt,
And the wide arch of the ranged empire fall!”

And we’d extravagantly dine,
Dissolving pearls into our wine,
Listening to flutes and harps and boys enjoined in song,
Ignoring letters from my wives,
And endangering our lives,
So we could be together, where we belong.

Drinking from one chalice,
Dancing in her palace,
Making love on a couch enrobed in silk,
Abandoning all cares,
Of political affairs,
While servants brought us honey, figs, and milk.

And we’d extravagantly dine,
Dissolving pearls into our wine,
Listening to flutes and harps and boys enjoined in song,
Ignoring letters from my wives,
And endangering our lives,
So we could be together, where we belong.

Well I gave her my last breath, and she joined me soon in death,
But what we gained was more than we had lost.
So if you hear this song, and you know where you belong,
Then you have to go, regardless of the cost!

And we’d extravagantly dine,
Dissolving pearls into our wine,
Listening to flutes and harps and boys enjoined in song,
Ignoring letters from my wives,
And surrendering our lives,
So we could be together, where we belong.

So we could be together, where we belong.

This is the 14th in a series of pop-music parodies for Shakespeare fans.

Enjoy!

Glad You’re Tame
sung to the tune of “Glad You Came”

(With apologies to The Wanted, and all women…)

The sun comes up;
I say it’s true.
If I say “moon,”
It’s that for you.
That title “Shrew”
Will never be your name.
I’m glad you’re tame.

You used to whine for me, whine for me;
You tried to fracture my spine for me, spine for me;
But then I made you fall in line for me, line for me;
And now you always behave fine for me, shine for me!

Help me show off how,
How you’ve learned to know your place;
Place a little bet;
Bet you’ll win the race.
Race speedily out,
Out to where I call,
Call you out for all,
All to see I can make,
Make you glad you came.

The sun comes up;
I say it’s true.
If I say “moon,”
It’s that for you.
That title “Shrew”
Will never be your name.
I’m glad you’re tame.

I’m glad you’re tame.

This is the 13th in a series of pop-music parodies for Shakespeare fans.

Enjoy!

The Death of Kings
sung to the tune of “Single Ladies”

(With apologies to Beyoncé, and people who don’t like song parodies…)

All the death of kings. All the death of kings.
All the death of kings. All the death of kings.
All the death of kings. All the death of kings.
All the death of kings. Now put your guard up!

Just come ashore (shore), losing the war (war),
Let’s talk of grave grim things.
Gather around (round), sit on the ground (ground),
To tell stories of the death of kings.
Some poisoned by wives (wives), or war claimed their lives (lives),
Some died of hypertension.
But when you supplant (plant), that simply can’t (can’t)
Be good for your country.

‘Cause if you liked it then you shoulda left the king on it.
If you liked it then you shoulda left the king on it.
Don’t be shocked when my heirs make a thing of it.
If you liked it then you shoulda left the king on it.

Whuh uh uh. Uh uh uh, uh uh uh, uh uh uh.
Whuh uh uh. Uh uh uh, uh uh uh, uh uh uh.

If you liked it then you shoulda left the king on it.
If you liked it then you shoulda left the king on it.
Don’t be shocked when my heirs make a thing of it.
If you liked it then you shoulda left the king on it.

I had soldiers to fight (fight), a clear divine right (right);
The Lord up in Heaven chose me.
Bolingbroke (brook), he came and took (took);
In he comes and out goes me.
Since your ascension, did I mention,
There’s significant dissention.
So you want your turn (turn), well now you’re gonna learn,
What follows when you come depose me.

‘Cause if you liked it then you shoulda left the king on it.
If you liked it then you shoulda left the king on it.
Don’t be shocked when my heirs make a thing of it.
If you liked it then you shoulda left the king on it.

Whuh uh uh. Uh uh uh, uh uh uh, uh uh uh.
Whuh uh uh. Uh uh uh, uh uh uh, uh uh uh.

Don’t think that things will be as they were before:
A bloody civil war!
The crown is what I have earned, what I deserve!
It’s a major travesty that’s a recipe for a destiny to a misery for your children’s kids and beyond…

As soldiers take up arms,
Inflicting massive harms,
More than you have ever known,
And like those kings, I’ll be gone.

All the death of kings. All the death of kings.
All the death of kings. All the death of kings.
All the death of kings. All the death of kings.
All the death of kings. Now put your guard up!

Whuh uh uh!

This is the twelfth in a series of pop-music parodies for Shakespeare fans.

Enjoy!

You Should Never Ever Trust a Bastard, Edgar
sung to the tune of “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together”

(With apologies to Taylor Swift, and bastards…)

I remember when we met up this last time.
You were my brother from another mother, cause like,
We hadn’t seen each other for nine years,
Because the bastard had to be sent away. (What?)

Then I come around again and say “Eddie,
Father’s angry and you need to run away. Trust me.”
Remember how I drew on you that day?
I said “You must leave,” I fought you, you took off, I screwed you.

Oooh, you’ve never really known my mind,
But oooh, this time I’m telling you, I’m telling you…

You should never ever ever trust a bastard, Edgar.
You should never ever ever trust a bastard, Edgar.
Our father’s lands were your lands, now those lands belong to me.
‘Cause you should never ever ever ever trust a bastard, Edgar.

Like, ever!

I always thought it seemed quite out of place
For one brother to be proper and one base,
But you always seemed to think it very fine
That your birthright was so much more rightful than mine.

Oooh, you’ve never really known my mind,
But oooh, this time I’m telling you, I’m telling you…

You should never ever ever trust a bastard, Edgar.
You should never ever ever trust a bastard, Edgar.
Our father’s lands were your lands, now those lands belong to me.
‘Cause you should never ever ever ever trust a bastard, Edgar.

You never knew it was I who wrote that letter, letter
Like I heard the king say “Never, never, never, never, never.”

Ugh, so he shows up and he’s like “draw thy sword.”
And I’m like… “this sword of mine will let your treasons rest forever.”
You know? You should never trust a bastard, Edgar.

Like, ever!

No!
You should never ever ever trust a bastard, Edgar.
You should never ever ever trust a bastard, Edgar.
Our father’s lands were your lands, now those lands belong to me.
‘Cause you should never ever ever ever trust a bastard, Edgar.

This is the eleventh in a series of pop-music parodies for Shakespeare fans.

Enjoy!

One More Knight
sung to the tune of “One More Night”

(With apologies to Maroon 5, and St. Cripin…)

You and I look hard at each other while preparing for war.
You and I assess that our troop levels are less than before.
You and I agree it’s an issue that we should not ignore.
You and I diverge on the question of our wishing for more.

Yeah, today’s the feast of Crispin, Crispianus,
This day is holy-y,
And those who fight with us here, fight with us here,
Shall be not lowly-y,
And yearly when this day comes, when this day comes,
You’ll tell the story-y,
And so the fewer the men, fewer the men,
The greater share of glory-y.

We few are enough, if we’re marked to die,
And so now I pray, wish not one more knight.
Rather take their leave, those who would not fight,
But I pray thee, coz, wish not one more knight.

Gentlemen of England,
Who are now home resting quiet in bed,
Will curse themselves,
They were not here fighting with us instead,
Hold their manhoods cheap,
And find there’s little more that they have to say,
To the heroes that fought
Alongside the King on St. Crispin’s Day.

Yeah, today’s the feast of Crispin, Crispianus,
This day is holy-y,
And those who fight with us here, fight with us here,
Shall be not lowly-y,
And yearly when this day comes, when this day comes,
You’ll tell the story-y,
And so the fewer the men, fewer the men,
The greater share of glory-y.

We few are enough, if we’re marked to die,
And so now I pray, wish not one more knight.
Rather take their leave, those who would not fight,
But I pray thee, coz, wish not one more knight.