It’s been a while since I’ve posted any Animaniacs clips. Here’s a fun song about the US Presidents.

This is just my way of saying that the surroundings may be new, but it’s still the same old blog. Enjoy!

Real life or parody? Sometimes, I can’t tell the difference anymore. That’s when it’s time for the Headline Game.

Below are two headlines from CNN.com and two headlines from The Onion. Can you spot which are the real headlines and which are the fakes?

1. Bill Clinton waiting until after primaries to endorse candidate
2. Colorado governor vows to “arm-wrestle” for jobs
3. Oscars reveal widening gap between best, worst dressed
4. Study: Vanity on the rise among college students

Note: Capitalization on the Onion headlines changed to match the style of CNN.

Answers: Story 1, Story 2, Story 3, Story 4

How did you do?

It’s still too early for any kind of meaningful speculation about 2008, so I will only offer rumors, gossip, and sarcasm.

There’s a rumor going around that if Al Gore wins the Oscar tonight, he’s going to announce his candidacy for President. I’d love to see Al Gore run, but he really doesn’t seem interested. I do think he’s going to win the Oscar though.

On the Republican side, Giuliani’s burning up the polls, and I think he’d mop up in the general election. I can’t see myself voting for him in the general, though we could do a lot worse. But once the primaries get going and conservative voters learn who he is and what he stands for, he’s not going to have, for lack of a better word, a prayer of winning the nomination.

To clarify earlier comments, I like both Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. I just don’t think either of them is going to be our next president. Biden and Edwards are both starting to look pretty good, and, okay fine, I am still holding out hope that Gore will still decide to run. Is that so wrong?

But I did enjoy this satirical take on the typical criticism of Hillary Clinton from The Onion.

Hillary Clinton Is Too Ambitious To Be The First Female President

I had so much fun at last week’s picnic, I thought I’d have another. But this time I’m using a different rule when deciding whom to invite. You may find this one a bit more challenging than last week’s rule, but all of the invited guests do have something in common:

• I’m inviting MARY SHELLEY, but not PERCY BYSSHE SHELLEY.
• I’m inviting GEORGE BERNARD SHAW, but not OSCAR WILDE.
• I’m inviting QUEEN ELIZABETH II, but not QUEEN ELIZABETH I.
• I’m inviting MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR., but not MALCOLM X.
• I’m inviting TOM CRUISE, but not DUSTIN HOFFMAN.
• I’m inviting MADONNA, but not JEWEL.
• I’m inviting COURTENEY COX ARQUETTE, but not JENNIFER ANISTON.
• I’m inviting BARACK OBAMA, but not HILLARY CLINTON.
• I’m inviting GEORGE W. BUSH & DICK CHENEY as well as BILL CLINTON & AL GORE, but not RONALD REAGAN & GEORGE H.W. BUSH.

I thought it might be fun to do some Shakespeare readings at the picnic, but only plays named for people who fit the same rule:

• We will be reading JULIUS CAESAR, but not MACBETH.
• We will be reading ANTONY & CLEOPATRA, but not KING JOHN.
• We will be reading KING HENRY VIII, but neither KING HENRY IV play.
• We will be reading KING RICHARD III, but not KING RICHARD II.

Have you figured out the rule? If so, please don’t post it. Just post one or two additions to the list to show us you got it, and to give an extra hint to later solvers.

UPDATE: The solution is now posted in the comments.

Hey, it’s one of those wacky Internet polls! I’ve never taken one of these before. This should be fun. Okay, first question…

Do you favor personal savings accounts as a voluntary part of Social Security Reform?

Oh, wow. I was expecting an easier first question. But, okay. Well, I guess I already have all of the voluntary personal savings accounts I need. That’s what makes them voluntary. Maybe a more productive discussion would be whether or not Social Security needs reform before we start talking about what should be a voluntary part of it. I’ve been involuntarily paying into it my entire working life, so I think I’d like to voluntarily receive the benefits when I retire. So I worry, when the Grover Norquists of the world start talking about personal savings accounts, that I won’t get my benefits.

There is a small group of people who have a whole lot of influence whose solution to everything is lower taxes on the rich, privatize everything, and let the free market sort it out. Sometimes that works better than other times. Markets are really good at picking winners and losers, but when it comes to our senior citizens, I’d prefer to stick with our current system, since it benefits everyone. It’s also why I support public education over a voucher system. I think I’d like to move on to the next question now, if that’s okay.

Do you favor an increase in retirement age as part of Medicare reform?

There’s that “reform” word again. With one word you’ve implied into existence a problem that may or may not have a basis in reality. Could the problem be that the idea of a government actually taking care of its citizens is somehow repulsive to you, Mr. Internet Poll Writer? What is that dark place inside you that makes you turn a blind eye to the suffering of your neighbors? And how can we help you?

It’s true that people are living longer and at some point we may wish to raise the retirement age. I wouldn’t even consider it, though, until every American has health care. If we’re going to ask our citizens to stay in the workforce longer, we have to help them stay healthy longer, and that means affordable well-care visits for everyone. Who’s with me?

Should Medicare have an element of means testing?

I don’t know; what kind of Internet poll is this? I’ve known enough people who are relatively comfortable financially, who have been knocked completely out of the box by an unexpected illness, so I’m going to give a preliminary answer of no. I’d be interested in hearing the counter arguments, though.

Do you favor opening up Arctic National Wildlife Refuge to oil and gas exploration?

If by “exploration” you mean “drilling,” then no, I do not favor it. If you just want to explore the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge, feel free! I’ve heard it’s magnificent. Perhaps I will explore it myself if I should happen to visit Alaska for next year’s Bard-a-thon. (I have no idea how close ANWR is to Fairbanks, but Alaska being huge, that may have read as very funny to my new friends and readers up north.) But I’m starting to sense where you’re coming from, oh sneaky, sneaky Internet poll, and I’m pretty sure you mean “drilling.”

How do you propose expanding Health Savings Accounts?

I’m sorry, what? I’m new to this whole Internet poll thing. I have no proposal for expanding Health Savings Accounts, nor do I necessarily think they should be expanded. As I said above, I’m in favor of a universal health care system, perhaps a single-payer system. But making all health care costs tax deductible might be a nice interim compromise. What do you say?

Do you favor giving citizenship to those who are in this country illegally?

Oh, that’s a good question. In principle, I do, but I would want to hear non-partisan expert opinions about the practical ramifications of doing such a thing. Regardless, I do believe that whatever decision we make should apply to immigrants of all nations, not just North American ones. This is not an easy question, and it doesn’t have easy answers, but I’m proud to live in a country that is a melting pot of cultures, and I think it would be the American thing to do to find a way to work this out.

Should the United States send troops to stop the genocide in Darfur?

Well, I worry that our military is already overextended in Iraq. But yes, if it’s possible for us to do so, we should do what it takes to stop the genocide in Darfur. If that means sending troops, then so be it, but there are other resources and methods available to the world’s lone remaining superpower. What has the President done? What is he willing to do? Where is his plan?

Will you make the Presidents tax cuts permanent?

Will I make them permanent? This is a very strange Internet poll indeed. I do not expect to have the power to do that, but if I did, I would not. They favor the wealthy to such an extreme that it makes me wonder if the President is really in touch with the working man. There has been some improvement in the economy, but I don’t think there’s any evidence that the improvement is a direct result of the tax cuts, and I don’t believe it is. But even if you believe that, there’s no reason to believe that making them permanent would continue to have the same effect.

Would you favor elimination of the death tax?

I would not favor the elimination of the estate tax, no.

Would you support a flat tax?

No. Is anyone seriously proposing this?

Do you support President Bush’s plan for Iraq?

The troop surge? I support his plan in that I hope it’s successful. I don’t know if it’s the right thing to do, but I do like it better than “stay the course.” I was against this war from the beginning, but since we’ve invaded, I’ve been rooting for victory. I think this war has been conducted with a great deal of incompetence, but I like a lot of the changes in direction that the Bush administration has put into place since the midterm elections, maybe as a result of them, maybe not.

I do think we’d be much, much better off today if we had never gone into Iraq. That’s a position that’s starting to gain some support. I basically said what I needed to say in an earlier post and I still think the idea of strategic redeployment has promise.

Will you seek to meet with the leaders of Syria or North Korea or Iran?

While I am quite the autograph hound, I don’t think I will seek to add those names to my collection, no. I have to say, I’ve never seen an Internet poll quite like this.

Should the United States end the embargo of Cuba?

Yes, absolutely. I never understood the embargo, and – as always – it’s the people who suffer, not the leaders. With Fidel Castro stepping down, we should take advantage of the opportunity to end the pointless embargo.

Well, as Internet polls go, that one certainly was … oh, wait a minute. That wasn’t an Internet poll at all! That was a list of questions that Senator Bill Frist posed to Senator Hillary Clinton and any other Democrat running for President. He’s trying to trap her into publicly taking unpopular positions! And in doing so, he’s trapped me into doing just that!

Oh, well played, Senator Frist. Well played, indeed.

Feel free to use the comments thread to answer any of Senator Frist’s gotcha questions, or to respond to any of my (or someone else’s) answers. Unless, of course, you’re running for president, or ever plan to. In that case, you may quickly navigate away from this page, and don’t forget to clear your cache!

Answer: Hillary Rodham Clinton, Rudy Guiliani, John McCain, and Barack Obama.

Question: Who are four people who are not going to be elected president in 2008?

Ignore the polls. At this early stage, the name recognition factor is always going to skew the results. As new faces emerge and old stalwarts define themselves anew, you’re going to be hearing a lot more names than just those four.

Note: The prediction above does not pertain to party nominations, vice-presidential selections, or future presidential elections. Nor does it predict who is going to be elected president. Right now, a Biden vs. Romney contest seems not entirely out of the question. Pataki had an unusually prominent spot in the 2004 Republican Convention, which is usually a tell. And Gore, if he decides to run, will likely be the automatic front runner among Democrats who are still sore from the 2000 election, and would be helped in the general election by swing voters with buyer’s remorse. Plus, he’s a movie star now, and we all know how helpful that can be.

But my whole point is that it’s way too early for this kind of speculation. All I can tell you right now is that none of the first four people I mentioned will be our next president. That’s my prediction, and I’m putting it in the blog.

I’ll also add a new category “Predictions” so if this blog lasts longer than next Wednesday, we can track my predictions and see how I’m doing.