This is the fifth of a series of parodies, where I change the lyrics to a popular song to make it about Shakespeare.

And now, it has come to this.

Feste And I Know It
sung to the tune of “Sexy And I Know It”

(With apologies to LMFAO and the greater Internet community…)

Yeah, Yeah…

When I get harangued… I see no colors, ‘cause I’m too well hanged.
I’ve a motley style… when Olivia’s sad, I can make her smile, yeah.
I’m nonchalant… I have free license, say what I want.
You put me down, you get your comeuppance.
To be in your shoes, man, I wouldn’t give twopence. (Nah!)

Ah…girl, look at that coxcomb.
Ah…girl, look at that coxcomb.
Ah…girl, look at that coxcomb.
Uh uh, I’m no fool!

Ah…girl, look at that coxcomb.
Ah…girl, look at that coxcomb.
Ah…girl, look at that coxcomb.
Uh uh, I’m no fool!

When I jest in the streets, yeah, you like what you see. (What, ho!)
Maybe you’d consider some money for me.
I have a clownish kind of wit and I ain’t afraid to show it, show it, show it, show it…
I’m Feste and I know it.

I’m Feste and I know it.

Yo, I never cease… but I can’t begin if I hold my peace.
I live by the tabor… and by the church, ’cause it is my neighbor. (Faith!)
Olivia’s harried… she’ll have no fool ‘till she be married.
When madmen and prisoners get too obdurate,
Illyria knows me as Topaz the Curate. (Vox!)

Ah…girl, look at that coxcomb.
Ah…girl, look at that coxcomb.
Ah…girl, look at that coxcomb.
Uh uh, I’m no fool!

Ah…girl, look at that coxcomb.
Ah…girl, look at that coxcomb.
Ah…girl, look at that coxcomb.
Uh uh, I’m no fool!

When I jest in the streets, yeah, you like what you see. (What, ho!)
Maybe you’d consider some money for me.
I have a clownish kind of wit and I ain’t afraid to show it, show it, show it, show it…
I’m Feste and I know it.

I’m Feste and I know it.

Check it out! Check it out!
Giggle, giggle, giggle, giggle, giggle, yeah.
Giggle, giggle, giggle, giggle, giggle, yeah.
Giggle, giggle, giggle, giggle, giggle, yeah.
Giggle, giggle, giggle, giggle, giggle, yeah.

Make you giggle, man. Make you giggle, man. Yeah.

I’m Feste and I know it.

When Olympic, I’m big, though in yards, I am small;
I’m the genes of a group; I’m the workers on call;
When the office collectively takes bets from all;
And the game that you play with your cue in the hall.

Who am I?

UPDATE: Riddle solved by Asher. See comments for answer.

From Love’s Labour’s Lost:

But come, the bow: now mercy goes to kill,
And shooting well is then accounted ill.

Shift around the letters, and it becomes:

Does it seem too ice-glib to loudly back gun control this month?

Well, when can we?

This is the fourth of a series of parodies, where I change the lyrics to a popular song to make it about Shakespeare.

I guess we all knew this one was coming, so let’s just get it out of the way.

Call Me Lady
sung to the tune of “Call Me Maybe”

(With apologies to Carly Rae Jepsen and to former fans of this once-proud blog…)

It’s such a wonderful thing,
Just what some prophecies bring;
They said that you would be king,
But he is in your way.

I got your note from the heath;
Look like a flowering wreath,
But be the snake underneath,
‘Cause he is in your way.

Your choice affects me;
Yet thy nature doth perplex me.
Come spirits, here unsex me.
No one will suspect thee, baby!

Hey, you just got home,
And this is crazy!
But be a man and
You’ll call me Lady.

It’s good to know what
Will your fate be.
So make it happen,
Then call me Lady.

Hey, you just got home,
And this is crazy!
But be a man and
You’ll call me Lady.

And all the other Thanes,
Will kneel and praise me,
When I’m their Queen and
Not just a Lady.

You took your time with the kill;
It takes more courage than skill;
If you won’t do it, I will,
‘Cause he is in your way.

Just take your cue from the witch;
Don’t tell me you have no itch;
Don’t mean to be such a bitch,
But he is in your way.

Your choice affects me;
Yet thy nature doth perplex me.
Come spirits, here unsex me.
No one will suspect thee, baby!

Hey, you just got home,
And this is crazy!
But be a man and
You’ll call me Lady.

It’s good to know what
Will your fate be.
So make it happen,
Then call me Lady.

Hey, you just got home,
And this is crazy!
But be a man and
You’ll call me Lady.

And all the other Thanes,
Will kneel and praise me,
When I’m their Queen and
Not just a Lady.

Before resorting to the knife, I never went mad.
I never went mad. And now I’m so, so mad.
Before resorting to the knife, I never went mad.
Look at that blood splat.

So call me Lady!

I can get you backstage, or allowed in the hall;
I’m to whiz by a car that is stuck in a crawl;
To succeed in a class; to relinquish the ball;
Or to opt out when you have no interest at all.

Who am I?

UPDATE: Riddle solved by Asher. See comments for answer.

Jack Prospero buys individual hard-bound volumes of 31 different Shakespeare plays and an empty six-shelf bookcase to put them in.

He puts 3 plays each on the first and second shelves. He puts 5 plays each on the third and fourth shelves. He puts 7 plays on the fifth shelf, and 8 plays on the sixth shelf.

Within each shelf, the plays are in alphabetical order. The titles are exactly as they appear on this list. Ignoring any leading “The” or “A” articles, they are alphabetized by these exact titles.

And, as it turns out, the plays within each shelf are also in exactly the same order as they appear throughout that very same list!

One of the six shelves has only plays with the letter “F” somewhere in the title. A different shelf has no plays with any punctuation marks in the title. One shelf has more than half of its plays containing the word “King” in the title. Pairs of shelves with the same number of books in each are ordered alphabetically by first title.

Can you list the plays as they appear on each shelf?

UPDATE: Puzzle solved by ArtVark. See comments for answer.

Speaking of palindromes, I’ve been seeing a really good one making the social media rounds:

Wonder if Sununu’s fired now.

This is in response to the following interview he did with Soledad O’Brien, which I wish every voter in America could see:

Well, I said I wouldn’t do it, but now it’s done.

I can’t say yet whether or not this will be a regular feature, but do enjoy.

Hard law, son. Ok, Cordelia’s sis Regan is aloof. Lear’s in Israel. Fool (as in agers) is sailed. Rock on, Oswald. Rah!

From King Lear:

The usurer hangs the cozener.
Through tatter’d clothes small vices do appear;
Robes and furr’d gowns hide all. Plate sin with gold,
And the strong lance of justice hurtless breaks;
Arm it in rags, a pigmy’s straw doth pierce it.

Shift around the letters, and it becomes:

Drug corps and Wall Street just heave cash to Congress which then makes shady laws for them. Mitt has paid thirteen percent, or as little as zero. Super PACs run horrid or frightening ads.

O, but I don’t begrudge. It’s all legal.

This is the third of a series of Shakespeare Song Parodies.

The idea is to take a popular song and change the words so that it’s about Shakespeare. Enjoy!

Boyfriend
sung to the tune of “Boyfriend”

(With apologies to Justin Bieber and to all that is good and right in the universe…)

You’ve come to plead before me,
To let your brother go.
Ask me not for mercy,
‘Cause my blood is made of snow.

Your brother broke the law,
As his girlfriend starts to show,
Which is punishable by death,
As you must surely know.

(Shag, Shag, Shag) You do.
There’s nothing in this case that would merit review.
But if you could save his life, exactly how much would you do?
So say hello to false fellow in three, two…

(Shag)

Feel free to tell anyone you want.
Hey girl, who’d believe it’s true?

If I was your boyfriend, I’d let your brother go.
Torture him to death, girl, if you tell me No.
He won’t have to die, though, if you give me love.
If I was your boyfriend, I’d let your brother go.
I’d let your brother go.

I hear that you’ve been studying.
You want to be a nun.
But you haven’t been invested yet.
We could have some fun.

Your virtue gets me going.
No strumpet ever could.
Do I desire you foully,
For that which makes you good?

You fear for your salvation,
As that’s your only goal.
But just yield me up your body;
I talk not of your soul.

If I say you must do it,
Well then, of course, you must.
Just close your eyes and think about
How the law is just.

Feel free to tell anyone you want.
Hey girl, who’d believe it’s true?

If I was your boyfriend, I’d let your brother go.
Torture him to death, girl, if you tell me No.
He won’t have to die, though, if you give me love.
If I was your boyfriend, I’d let your brother go.
I’d let your brother go.