I’m assaulted by sticks as I glide on the ice;
I’m a restaurant chef who commands a high price;
I’m a moon of Uranus; a tablet device;
And the fairy from Dream who is not very nice.

Who am I?

UPDATE: Riddle solved by Tatum Moury. See comments for answer.

The Republican president has repeatedly referred to the press as the “enemy of the people,” a phrase most commonly associated with Stalin, but one that has a long history.

This is extremely dangerous. A free and impartial press is an essential element to our democracy. We already know that he labels any negative news about him as fake news, and counts on his blindly loyal supporters to believe him.

But calling the press the enemy of the people takes it even a step further. This is so beyond the pale, that CNN’s Jim Acosta gave Sarah Huckabee Sanders a chance to walk this back in the press briefing. She chose not to do so, and her defensive answer was filled with lies and distortions.

The last thing she said was true. She’s there to speak on behalf of the president when he makes his opinions clear, no matter how repugnant or inflammatory they may be. I imagine it’s a difficult job.

From Coriolanus:

First, you know Caius Marcius is chief enemy to the people.

Shift around the letters, and it becomes:

May I cut in, cue felicity from a White House spokesperson?

I’m a name for the Queen; I’m her hat ornamental;
The wheel on the watch; an accessory dental;
For infants to poke out from mammals placental;
And Jack’s broken part from his fall accidental.

Who am I?

UPDATE: Riddle solved by Asher. See comments for answer.

The president’s $12 billion bailout for farmers hurt by retaliatory tariffs is facing criticism from his fellow Republicans, even as his own Agriculture Secretary laments that the payouts won’t be enough to contain the damage.

From Macbeth:

Knock, knock, knock! Who’s there, i’ the name of Beelzebub? Here’s a farmer that hanged himself on the expectation of plenty: come in time; have napkins enough about you; here you’ll sweat for ’t.

Shift around the letters, and it becomes:

Trump’s trade war hobby’s been unhelpful to the zone of vehement folks who – on no fence – elect him.

He then uses our checkbook to fix the kink in a hokey plan to make America great again yet.

I come just before Papa, and follow November;
The Grouch from a Street that you fondly remember;
Burn Felix’s couch with cigars dropping ember;
And statues they give an Academy member.

Who am I?

UPDATE: Riddle solved by Asher. See comments for answer.

From The Tempest:

Misery acquaints a man with strange bedfellows.

Shift around the letters, and it becomes:

A Russian agent swiftly scammed the below-IQ NRA.

I’m a toaster-bound tart; I am Riverdale’s Tate;
To burst open like corn; cause balloons to deflate;
I’m an unannounced quiz; swallow pills at high rate;
To remove a champagne cork; and bubble wrap’s fate.

Who am I?

UPDATE: Riddle solved by Asher. See comments for answer.

I’m enlarging an image; a terrible fight;
To inflate a balloon; to explode dynamite;
Overwhelming a phone; see success overnight;
And a wide-reaching scandal as it comes to light.

Who am I?

UPDATE: Riddle solved by Bronx Richie. See comments for answer.

On Thursday, the AP reported that a number of immigrants who joined the US military as part of a special program are being abruptly discharged.

The program is called MAVNI (Military Accessions Vital to National Interest) and it allows for non-citizens to enter our armed services if they fill gaps that we urgently need, such as foreign languages or medical skills. In the process, they may become citizens. It sounds like a win-win to me, and indeed the program has been highly successful, enjoying support from both sides of the aisle.

But as the New York Times describes it, some of these valuable specialists are now “being cut even as the Army has been unable to meet its 2018 recruiting goals.” Some are even in danger of being deported.

Margaret Stock, the former West Point law professor who won a MacArthur fellowship for, among other things, leading the development of the MAVNI program, estimated in September that hundreds of recruits could be affected by this policy shift:

“It’s a dumpster fire ruining people’s lives. The magnitude of incompetence is beyond belief,” she said. “We have a war going on. We need these people.”

These are not Trump’s rapists and murderers pouring in from Mexico. They are not drug runners smuggling contraband from Central America. They are not even the dangerous PG-13 gang members who are still being held in cages at the border.  These are people who are here legally, who we asked to be here, and who trusted our word that they would be protected.

All of the pretenses for why we need aggressive immigration reform have now been dropped.  

From Coriolanus:

Have the power still
To banish your defenders

Shift around the letters, and it becomes:

They prove unfit leaders who ban the soldiers.

I’m a network of lies that are built upon lies;
The connection of food chains that nature supplies;
I’m the skin between toes; where a spider traps flies;
And a large online platform to reach world wide eyes.

Who am I?

UPDATE: Riddle solved by Bronx Richie. See comments for answer.